I know better. You would think that I would have learned from my past experiences. I can't do it without causing myself great emotional pain. It causes tears and anguish and I lay awake at night wishing that things were different and that it could be in my life forever. I mean who would have thought that an online catalog would have this much of an effect on my ability to go on with my life. Go. Go now.

www.anthropologie.com

I cannot possibly begin to describe the joy that fills my heart when looking at this website, or the sadness of knowing that, No, I cannot have one of everything there.

....Sigh....

If you love me you will go now and order me something and have it shipped to my house. Call me and I will give you the address.

It's a 10....

Her eyes welled. She looked at me and said, "Why? Some days it's so hard to hear how much people liked my dad. It just hurts so bad."

Her dad has been in a coma for a couple of years now. Here but not really here. I didn't know him well but I do know that she misses him dreadfully. That I can understand.

I gave her a hug and smiled in sympathy. It does hurt. Two days from now marks the 7th anniversary of my father's death. How is that possible? It seems that it was just yesterday that we found out he was even sick, and he only lasted 8 months after that.

There are days when I see someone I haven't seen in a while and they make a comment about how my father was such a great man, and my heart swells and my eyes spurt, and my emotions overwhelm my cognitive thinking and I can't seem to concentrate for a while. Then there are days that I can hold an entire conversation about my father and how he loved to laugh and how he was the glue that held our family together and how he was the most incredible father a girl could ever dream of having.

Then there are days when it so fresh that I am sitting at the side of the bed with his hand in mine and he is breathing his last breath and my breath seems to go with him. I literally can’t breathe, I can’t swallow the lump in my throat and sobs just seem to tear their way past it. It doesn’t matter that there is nearly 30 people gathered to spend his last moments with him. It feels as though it is my loss alone. The fear of life without him to lean on is overwhelming and any form of thought that he won’t be in my future is paralyzing. This one of those times I would have to say the pain is a 10.

To this day I can feel that crushing pain, but as life does it pushes on. It pushes us on, and we have to make the decision to let it push us or run us over and leave us in its wake. I hope that my life is being pushed forward; that I am making some sort of progress to where I need to be and who I need to be. I hope that he would look at who I have become in the last 7 years and be somewhat proud….

I heard someone say, “Spend time with the ones who will cry at your funeral.” Find that person or hopefully persons you love and spend time with them. It is worth it. You never know when they will be gone.

So let’s plan some time together. I need that. What the heck, I will even cook. J

Much love.

Well, excuse me for being a hopeless romantic. It’s hopeless I tell ya. I do, I do, I do believe in true love. Call me old fashioned, call me crazy, call me SueEllen, I don’t care; I love the idea of true love. Crazy, right?

I occasionally hang out with a couple of girls who are a bit my junior (much love Whitney, Amber, & Ashley)….ok so maybe they are more than a bit my junior but who’s counting? Anyway, we hang out and I have come to see that they feel the same way, so not only is it something that us old women want, it’s what the young’uns want too. Maybe it’s not something the modern woman likes to admit, but at least I am finally getting past my fear of saying it.

I want it. I need it. I want it to want me. I want it to need me (if that’s not a song it should be). I want to go to Italy and find my Lorenzo, my Romeo, or my Christian (thanks Brandy:). I am tired of being scared to admit wanting it, but I am not so desperate for this true love that seems to be so elusive that I will go out and just be with someone for the sake of being with someone. So I guess that is where the old fashioned me meets the modern feminist me. I know one day I will find it, but until then I guess I maybe need to banish romantic comedies that make me want to sell all my belongings and travel to the far ends of the earth just find something that might be in my own backyard (well not really my backyard cause all that’s there for me is a couple of donkeys and horses).

That’s it. No more watching these movies especially at that certain time of the month.

For all of you who have it, savour it. For those of you who thought you had it but found that it was a cheap imitation, savour the hope. For those of us who are still looking....savour the chocolate. Being single means you don't have to share.

So here is a slightly less healthy way to feel loved…Chocolate Cobbler.

Chocolate Cobbler

1 cup All-purpose Flour

2 teaspoons Baking Powder

¼ teaspoons Salt

7 Tablespoons Cocoa Powder, Divided

1-¼ cup Sugar, Divided

½ cups Milk

⅓ cups Melted Butter

1-½ teaspoon Vanilla Extract

½ cups Light Brown Sugar, Packed

1-½ cup Hot Tap Water

Preparation Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

First stir together the flour, baking powder, salt, 3 tablespoons of the cocoa, and 3/4 cup of the white sugar. Reserve the remaining cocoa and sugar.

Stir in the milk, melted butter, and vanilla to the flour mixture. Mix until smooth.

Pour the mixture into an ungreased 8-inch baking dish.

In a separate small bowl, mix the remaining white sugar (it should be 1/2 cup), the brown sugar, and remaining 4 tablespoons of cocoa. Sprinkle this mixture evenly over the batter.

Pour the hot tap water over all. DO NOT STIR! If you want to try a different twist on this you can pour coffee instead of water over the top to make a Mocha Chocolate Cobbler...mmmm, yeah gonna go make one now.

Bake for about 40 minutes or until the center is set.

True Love is Chocolate.

Enjoy!

It's Gonna Be A Loooong Day

It's Sunday....for me that means work. I work for my church. I am an administrative assistant who also cooks for any event that may need food and plans events, and gets whatever someone needs for a lesson, and coordinates High Praise (our worship arts conference) and Impact (our family conference) and our Christmas production each year, and our Starting Point luncheon each month and helps our single's ministry SOLO. So today, we have our SOLO Advance class at 9:15, our worship service at 10:30, next comes the Starting Point Luncheon (where you can find a way to connect to our church and make it your church:)at noon, then from there I have to go shop for the Connect meet we have tonight that I will be cooking for at 5:30pm. Needless to say I will have a full to capacity day. But I can honestly say I love it. I love my church, which in turn makes me love my job. I love to cook. I love to cook for people. I love to cook for my friends, and that is what I will be doing. What I love....

So the recipe for today will be what I plan on cooking tonight....

Chicken Taco Fettuccine

1 box fettuccine noodles 1 to 2 lbs chicken (depends on how meaty you want it)

1 Tsp minced garlic (meaty~snicker~)

1 cup cream 5 tsp taco seasoning

1 cup parmesan cheese Garlic Salt & Pepper

2 Limes

Season chicken with garlic salt, pepper, taco seasoning, and lime ~grill~. While these are on the grill cook your noodles al dente. (DO NOT OVERCOOK (the best way to tell if your pasta is done is to throw a noodle against the wall and if it sticks it is done and yes I do this every time I cook pasta and it is foolproof). When the chicken is done, cut it into 1 inch squares and saute with minced garlic in a skillet. Cook for about 2 mins then add cream. (Add more garlic salt, pepper, taco seasoning to taste). Stir the sauce with chicken into the pasta. Serve.....Enjoy!

Tuesdays with Toy

So it's Tuesday. It comes every 7 days or so it seems. I like Tuesdays. And rainy days, but it's all about Tuesdays today. It's the day that gets you over whatever hellacious kind of Monday you have had. It leads into Wednesday the day that begins the downhill screamer into the weekend. It's the day that seems to get forgotten for all of the year unless it's the fat day. Mardi Gras. Here's what I want to know, why should it get to be fat for only one day out of the year? That is so not fair. The rest of us have to deal with that the entire year, so what is so special about it that it only gets to be considered fat for one day. Therefore, I am decreeing that I will only be considered fat for one day a year. Ok, one day a week, but that's all I am giving you. So here on this Tuesday I state that from this day forward Tuesday are the only days anyone can be considered fat. And in honor of this new tradition I give you Mardi Gras Pasta. A wonderful recipe chock full of carbs and other seriously unhealthy things. Yay!

Mardi Gras Pasta

Ingredients: 1 medium onion 1- 16 oz. package diced ham

1 red bell pepper 1- 16 oz. package link sausage

1 green bell pepper 1 lemon

1 ½ tsp minced garlic 2 pkg. crawfish tails

8 green onions 1 cup chicken broth

1 pint cherry tomatoes 1/2 jar artichoke hearts

2 sticks of butter 1 1/2 boxes penne noodles

3/4 cup canola or peanut oil 1 oz. Kraft 4-cheese

1 quart half and half Parmesan cheese

1 small capful of crab boil 1 can cream of mushroom soup

8 chicken breast

Vegetables sauté all except tomatoes

1 medium onion

1 red bell pepper

1 green bell pepper

1 ½ tsp minced garlic

8 green onions

1 pint fresh cherry tomatoes

(sautéed in 2 sticks of butter not margarine and 3/4 cup canola oil) (you can feel it can't you, your arteries are closing up just reading this)

chicken breast (already boiled & diced)

diced ham

link sausage (sliced)

crawfish tails

artichoke hearts (diced)

lemon

crab boil

salt and pepper to taste

Boil 1 ½ boxes of penne noddles in the chicken broth. DO NOT OVERCOOK. If the pasta gets soggy it will ruin the dish (trust me on this.....I cannot tell you why because I took a solemn oath not to tell, so just trust me).

HAND TOSS ALL INGREDIENTS TOGETHER (or you can toss with a spoon if you don't want your hands to get messy):

VEGETABLES, MEAT MIXTURE, AND NOODLES.

Stir in 1 quart of half and half, 1 cup of chicken broth, 1 can cream of mushroom soup(you can add more cream of mushroom or cream if it seems too dry) .

DO NOT COOK, JUST HEAT. Top with Kraft 4 Cheese.....get on with your fat self.

Let the yumminess flow through you and Enjoy!

How is it that I forgot I had a blog. Maybe because I tend to block things out and then realize later that yet another project in my life has gone unfinished. So this morning when I had the brilliant idea to start a blog called The Foodist Colony, I came across one that I had started well forever ago and just let lay there and atrophy. Unfortunately the name Foodist Colony was already taken. I know. How unoriginal of me right? So I said, well it is always to good to start new, so here I am. This blog will consist of the story of my life. Food. Well, it's not my entire life. I like other things too, but food seems to be the prevalent component of my life at this time.....so. Food it is.

AND THE FIRST RECIPE OF THE BLOG IS.....(drumroll please)...

Smoked Tuna Dip.

Ingredients:

1 8oz block cream cheese (Philadelphia is the best and no they did not ask me to say that)

1 tblsp Worcestershire (or werseger in Toyland) sauce

1/4 tsp Louisiana (I like it better than Tobasco (and no they didn't ask me to say that either))

1 tsp Garlic Salt

1 tblsp Liquid Smoke (this may be a bit much for some of you (wimps) but you can put less:)

1 can Albacore tuna (drained well) (no not trained because then they would be too cute and you would not want to eat them...although how does one go about training a tuna?)

First: put the cream cheese in a small sauce pan. Let it get all nice and creamy. Then add the rest of the ingredients and blend them, blend them real good. Serve with Pita Chips cause their the bestest.

Now if you're like me and you like a bit more spice that just might wake you up in the middle of the night.....you can add more Worcestershire and Louisiana hot sauce and Liquid Smoke....just don't call me because I did warn you.

Enjoy!